Divorce

Divorce. A word that you hear too much in today's world. If you haven't went through a divorce consider yourself lucky and blessed! I honestly thought I would never have to experience what it felt like to go through a divorce, but I'm living it daily! I might be going into too much detail with my personal life, but it has been on my mind lately and I felt that the best thing I could do was write about it.

This is the last picture we took as a family. Easter 2015. Little did I know that 3 months later my world would be turned upside down. I thought that I had the perfect life and the perfect husband. He was hard working, always doing whatever he could to provide for us. He loved loves his girls, and I thought that he loved me. July 2015 we went on a family vacation to the beach and we had the best time ever! I mean when I say the best time ever, we did not fight at all, he wasn't on his phone, we spent time talking and playing with the girls. Not even 2 weeks after our vacation I found the text message on his phone. "I love you too baby" Man that message hit me like a ton of bricks. 9 months later and it still hurts, not as bad as it did that morning, but it hurts.

Let me back track about 2 years. January 2014 we found out we were expecting again. We were both so happy to add another little one to our family after trying for a year. We both said this would complete our family. April 2014 he took a trip out to Texas to visit his uncle who had been in the hospital. Things went downhill from there. I received a call from an unknown person telling me that my husband was having an affair. I confronted him about it and he denied it. I even confronted the girl, everyone denied it. I had no solid proof other than a message on my phone from someone that knew me and my husband but I didn't know them.  Over the next several months he became more and more distant from me. He stayed on his phone constantly, wouldn't come home until late at night, and was making more and more trips to Texas. While in Texas his phone would always "die" until he was headed back home. I held on as hard as I could because it wasn't just about me. We had a daughter and anther daughter on the way. Their lives would be affected more than mine. This behavior continued until July 2015 when I found out the truth. Once I found the text messages I automatically knew who it was that he had been seeing. The girl in Texas that I received a call about in April of 2014. I moved out and took the girls with me. Once everything finally came out in the open I found out he had been seeing her for over a year. He was planning on divorcing me and moving her down here. Not even two months after we moved out, he had moved her in.

Divorce is a lot like a death, because you lose someone. I lost the man that I loved with my whole heart, the man that I made a vow to God to love for better or for worse. He was also the father of my children. It has been 9 months since we separated and I still find myself playing different scenarios of our past in my head. I am not as sad as I used to be, but somedays I don't even want to get out of bed. I just want to lay there and cry all day, but I cant because I have two girls that depend on me. I feel like I'm starting to ramble a little lol. I'm not putting this post out there to get sympathy, believe me I've had plenty. I just wanted to share a little bit of what I have been going through lately. Writing this had helped me clear my mind a little. :)

I hope everyone has a great Friday! Yay!